Leaders Should Ask For Help

Asking for help isn’t easy. Especially when you’re a leader who’s expected to be providing help and support. Not the other way around. But leaders should ask for help when help is truly needed. There’s no bonus points for struggling alone. So good leaders should ask for help when genuinely needing it.

But why is it that when leaders should be asking for help when they need it, they hesitate? There are many reasons why leaders neglect to seek help even when they know they truly need it. Here are some main reasons why leaders shy from asking for help even when they should.

• Insecure– We’re all human. As human, we all have insecurities. Leaders too have insecurities about their own ability to lead. When we ask for help, we fear that it will expose our weaknesses. We fear that asking for help will show our inabilities to be able to do our job. We’d rather struggle alone trying to get it done than reaching out to others for help.
  
  
• Don’t know how– Asking for help isn’t as simple as it may appear. And for some, it may be as if trying to speak a foreign language. When asking for help, we try and process what to say. We try to frame the problem in a way that will convince others to be willing to help us. Trying to figure out the right message and how to convey it in a way that is convincing is more difficult than you think. Not getting the right message across, others may not understand the problem and my not know how to help.
  
  
• Fear of rejection– In seeking help and support, asking for it is just one part of the equation. The other part is receiving the help. But what if you get rejected? Already dealing with the stress and urgency you’ve had to face, you now have to deal with rejection. You have to now consider what it says about you that others are unwilling to help you. By rejecting you, does it mean that others don’t like you on a personal level? This fear of rejection will lead many to just not bother asking for help.
  
  

Asking for help isn’t simple. There are rules to helping. They are rules that may not officially be written down or official guidelines threat are enforced. But if you don’t understand the rules and don’t follow them, you won’t receive the help you desperately need.

1. Be humble– Being human and knowing that we all have insecurities, we also have to recognize that we all have flaws. Not anyone of us knows everything. We’re not great at everything. There are things we’re good and better at. And there are other things we struggle with. Understand that we all have weaknesses and that’s ok. Be ok with not knowing everything. Accept that you need help, no matter who you are, what you do nor what experience you may have.
   
   
2. Give help – When asking for help, you must ask yourself “how much help have you given and are you willing to reciprocate the help others give you?” As leaders, we are expected to provide help and support to our team. Gut not all leaders do. If you’re not providing help to your team, they will unlikely to give help to you, beyond their normal job responsibilities. This applies even more with your peers and they will be much less willing to provide help and support to you if they have the perception that you’re unwilling to provide them help when they need it. In order to receive help, you must provide help.
   
   
3. Time and place – Leaders should ask for help when needed. But like most things, there’s a time and a place most appropriate to ask for help. Before asking for help, be empathetic to the person or people you’re asking. Read more about how to be empathetic in my article here. You must recognize their current state and ability to give you help. If they are busy and overwhelmed themselves, it is not an appropriate time for you to seek their help. If you’re unable to sleep due to the problems you have, it’s not appropriate to call and ask for help from anyone in the middle of the night. Consider what you need and the right time and place to seek for the help. Seeking help at the right time and place will gain you the help you need. Doing it at the inappropriate situation will be met with rejections.
   
   
4. Be secure – If you do get rejected in your request for help, don’t take it personally. Understand that a rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person doesn’t like you. They too may have insecurities and feel as if they are incapable of providing you the help you seek. Or they may have other issues of their own, preventing them from giving you the time in order to give the help.
   
   

Asking for help isn’t easy but it is necessary. Leaders should be asking for help when they need it and don’t have self-doubt when doing so. But make sure that you are willing to give as much, if not more, than what you ask. And definitely don’t abuse the help others are willing to give you.

Photo by: Katemangostar
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