When The Person You Want To Lead Doesn’t Want To Follow

Rejection is never easy to accept or deal with.  It makes it that much harder when you know you’ve put everything you’ve got into making it work, but it just doesn’t have the outcome you hoped for.  All leaders who’ve been around have in some way faced this.  At some point in their career, they’ve encountered a member who chooses to defy their leadership and refuses to work together, no matter how much effort and concession the leader makes to try and make it work.  If you’re just starting off in your leadership career and have yet to encounter this, don’t worry, it’s coming.

Inevitably, leaders will eventually have incidents where they clash with their members and ultimately the relationship is damaged to the point that’s unrepairable.  Sometimes it may not even be entirely obvious.  There will be times when a team member just doesn’t buy into the direction and leadership that’s been set.  No reason or justification is given, and attempts to understand why directly with the individual goes on deaf ears.

In reality, there could be numerous amount of reasons why an individual just doesn’t want you to be their leader.  Regardless of your abilities and experience, sometimes it comes down to the fact that you’re younger than them and that’s just hard for some to accept.  Having someone who’s younger as their superior.  Or it could be a gender, or even a racial, issue, which people don’t admit to, but do actually occur quite frequently.  And sometimes it’s just as simple as your style of leadership, as well intention as it may be, doesn’t quite fit the need and the expectations of the individual.

It is very easy to let such a toxic situation ruin the rest of your team as well as hinder your capabilities to continue to lead.  Therefore, here are some suggestions to address the issue at and so that team unity can move forward and your leadership confidence stays intact.

1. Do not put blame one either side, yourself or your member, as to the reason why things aren’t working out. Pointing fingers and blaming back and forth doesn’t resolve anything.  As a leader, you should never be pointing fingers anyways.  Accept the fact that it’s an issue on both sides.
2. Recognize when there’s just no possibility of making it work, or that the cost and value to make it work isn’t aligned. Make the hard decision to part ways amicably so that the member can move forward and pursue new opportunities and that you can focus your efforts and energy to the team that needs you. there’s just no possibility of making it work, or that the cost and value to make it work isn’t aligned.  Make the hard decision to part ways amicably so that the member can move forward and pursue new opportunities and that you can focus your efforts and energy to the team that needs you.
3. It is natural that the team and others would be interested in gossips and wanting to know the details of the situation. Do not feed into gossips and rumors.  Address the fact that the team needs to stay focus on the objectives for success and that you are there to do everything in your power to help them achieve the team goals.
4. Regardless of how things end with the individual, stay open minded and be willing to offer support and help should the individual ever reach out for it. Being the generous leader when it’s difficult is what leadership is about.  The results will speak for itself.

As people and as leaders, we must recognize that we are not perfect, but that we continue to learn and grow to become better people and better leaders.  There are many different personalities and traits people have and many different types of preferences they would like to have in their leaders.  Leaderships comes in different forms and styles and there isn’t a one size fits all style that works universally.  We all work hard to learn, develop and improve our leadership style and that’s all we can do.  When engaged in an experienced that your leadership style is being rejected, understand it and react to it appropriately and remember that you have others relying on you.  Not just one individual.

Photo by: Icons8 Team